i hope it is windy

If I had an enemy, I might make it tequila.
But the feud between us wouldn’t last because we’d just have a good chat, and share a couple of orange slices and become best friends. Then we’d fall in love as tends to happen with best friends of a compatible nature and everything would just fall into place from then on out.
I never seem to be able to maintain proper enemy relationships.
Except for with gravity.
And friction.
And a few other laws of physics.
Oh, and vodka.

But yeah, thanks again all, for the birthday wishes and such.
Tomorrow should be a good celebratory time, so if I haven’t sent you a personal invitation and you think I should have, give me a shout and I’ll fix that.

In the meantime, here is the map I drew for the event…



Also, I’m keeping the suspense going.
Sorry, Spo, not spilling it yet.
I will give everybody a hint though:
I’m not pregnant.

thank you everyone

That’s right.
Yesterday was my birthday and I had a good day.
The lady at the grocery store told me I looked happy and that I was going to infect them all so I smiled some more and paid with debit because I don’t own much in the way of tangible currency. A long time ago it was brought to my attention that money doesn’t actually exist, and that meant that even if my wallet was full, it was still pretty much empty and so eventually I gave up on carrying the wallet around too.

Also, there will be celebratory festivities this weekend, so if you live in Ontario, and you’re going to be anywhere near the town of Brampton on Saturday evening, give me a shout and I’ll send you some details.

Oh, the big announcement?
That wasn’t it.
That will happen before the weekend is out.

still too early

Pfft.

Not tonight.
Come on, nobody goes on the internet at three in the morning on a Monday.
That's pretty lame.

(awkward silence)

Oh right.

Feel free to come pick me up and take me somewhere fun.
Or just come back later for the announcement.
Did I mention it's big?

it's too early

You may have heard some rumours and some of them are true.

The one that said I had a big announcement to make tonight was not.
I'm sorry if you're disappointed.
Rumours have a way of letting people down like that sometimes.

To cheer you up, I'm going to let you in on a secret.
I really do have a big announcement to make.
Just not tonight.

It's good though.
Probably even worth waiting for.

happy today today

I was going to write something but it seemed like it might be long and take way too much effort and you'd probably have gotten bored by the end of it anyway.
So I pre-emptively shortened it.
Mostly for you.
And a bit for me.
Because tonight is all about appreciating the little things.
Like teamwork perhaps.

I also drew this picture of a clown, but it's scary so you should only look if you like evil looking clowns and are not terrified of them.

to the sky

Here’s what I have…

No job
No money
No cigarettes
Nowhere to go

I should have made that a list of what I don’t have.
I am however, all dressed up and more than slightly intoxicated.
It’s three-seventeen in the morning.
I called Pretty Girl A and she is sleeping so I guess my only real options are a walk or a bike ride. Again, I have no cigarettes or cigars or anything of the sort, but fuck it. Let’s go look at the stars.

just to clarify

I feel like I have to apologize to you.
At the end of my last post I may have led you to believe that I held the key to building a time machine and that’s just not true.
Yes, I do have a lot of time on my hands all of a sudden, but physics still apply and I’m no Superman.
When I asked if you wished you could see the show yourself and then said I’d see what I could do, I was alluding to the fact that a friend of mine happened to own an mp3 player which may or may not have been used to bootleg the majority of the show.
Now hypothetically, if we did record the show, and if it did turn out to be half decent in quality, then in theory I could rip it to my computer and make a few cds for a few special people who e-mail me their addresses.
So we’ll see what happens when my friend, let’s call her Pretty Girl A, plugs her player into her computer. I’ll let you know if she finds anything on there and if it’s worth listening to.

Tonight As I Lay Dying put on a solid performance but I think Thrice may have stolen the show away from them. Maybe.

I bought Owen Pallet’s “Has a Good Home” last night and it was scratched and two of the songs won’t play but I don’t want to go back to the store so if anyone else out there has the album and would like to e-mail them to me then I would like to be your friend and I will hang out with you and probably give you a button to say thanks.

Finally, I’ve developed a set of rules for meeting fellow bloggers in real life, because after having met some for the first time yesterday, it occurred to me that some guidelines might have been helpful.

a) Talk. No really, say something. Don’t just say “Hi! I’m (insert name here).” and then give them stuff and then run away.

b) Actually, that’s pretty much it.

My apologies Raymi and Fil, I should have thought of that sooner.
Apparently I’m not so good at the whole human interaction thing anymore.
I blame the fact that I’ve worked a night shift for the past couple of years and never really bother to talk to anyone I don’t know,
Or maybe it was because Raymi was all in the corner smoking with a don’t fuck with me stare and Fil is like seven feet tall.
Either way, it was nice meeting the two of you and if I run into you again I’ll make up for it with a drink and a proper conversation. Or more buttons.

and one happy thing

It is about Matthew Good, the lovable musician who lives in Vancouver and has been producing incredible music for the last decade or so. He is alive. Very much so.
I know this because I just saw him put on the best show I’ve ever seen him play, and I’ve seen him play more than a few times in more than a few places.
I may be a little biased though, because

a) I’m a sucker for the acoustic
b) he played Symbolistic White Walls
c) he played Symbolistic White Walls

Anyway, I forget why I was basing the format of this post on the last one so I’ll stop that now.
Instead I’m going to show you a picture.



Wasn’t that awesome?
Didn’t he look stylish in his pin-striped suit?
Don’t you wish you could somehow go back in time and see the show yourself?

Don’t worry, I’ll see what I can do about that.
No seriously.
But for now I’ve already said too much.

i have one sad thing to mention

It is about Zed, the lovable chameleon who has lived in my bedroom for the past several years. He is dead. It happened sometime between Tuesday April eleventh and Wednesday April twelfth, and it is believed his death was caused by

a) a strange lump that developed on his snout about a year ago
b) the fact that he started refusing to eat some time ago
c) a combination of a and b

Anyway, it’s a sad situation and I’d prefer not to talk about it.

the day that colin got fired

It was in the second week of April that it happened, on the same day in fact, that Colin painted the stairwell of his parent’s house. Some people saw this as a strange and wonderful coincidence, but not Colin. He’d just gotten fired, what else was he supposed to do with his time?
It all started with an innocent day at work. It was more of an evening actually. Colin worked from four-thirty to midnight every Monday to Friday at a big building a few blocks away from his house, where he spent his time typing numbers into a computer and trying to avoid having to talk to anyone. Colin was just getting over some kind of crazy throat/lung infection that had been bothering him for the past week, but he was happy and optimistic about the future. This week was going to be a short week because not only was it the Easter long weekend, but he also had two vacation days coming up, and two concert tickets that were going to make a five day weekend of musical awesomeness. Yes, everything on the near horizon was looking quite peachy.
Peachy, until he was filling up the photocopier and said hello to one of his bosses as they walked past.

“Your hat. Take off your hat.” Said his boss.

“Oh, fuck right off.” Thought Colin.

Colin finished with the photocopier and went back to his desk to work whilst wearing his hat and ignoring his boss’ pointless request. This went well for about half an hour, until Colin’s work took him into his boss’ field of vision. Again she told his to remove his hat.

“How about you pretend I’m not wearing a hat, and I pretend it doesn’t bother you.” Suggested Colin with a smile before going back to work.

Some more time passed, and one of Colin’s coworkers went to Tim Horton’s to pick up some coffees. It got a little bit busier, but Colin didn’t mind, because he was very efficient at his job, having worked there for more than two and a half years. Colin was just about to file some folders away when his boss walked up again.

“I told you to take off your hat.” She said.

Colin sighed.

“I’ve told you three times.” She continued.

Colin looked up.

“Alright, listen, I know you’re always telling me to take off my hat. The thing is, I was always kind of taken aback and never got to ask you a really important question. Why?” Asked Colin.

“We’ve already discussed this, we’re in an office and that’s not appropriate attire.” She said.

“Yeah, but why? Why does it matter? We work an evening shift, it's not like we have customers coming in. The only other people here are you guys over there, the guys on the dock wearing jeans and bandanas, and a bunch of truck drivers who are probably not interested in whether or not I'm wearing a hat. It just doesn't make any sense. It’s not about style, it’s about functionality. It keeps my hair out of my eyes and away from my face.”

Colin was getting a little frustrated.

“I’m done talking about this and I’m not going to keep telling you. Take it off.” She threatened.

“Look, what’s going to happen if I say no, and keep wearing it?” He asked.

“I could send you home for the night and you could not come back tomorrow.” She answered.

Now at this point it should be mentioned that Colin doesn’t appreciated being threatened. He views office politics as a waste of time and prefers to just come to work and do his job, and do it well because anything else is pretty much a waste of time. He mostly ignores it when other people say stupid things.

So it should come as no surprise that he replied, “Fair enough.” and proceeded to finish up what he was doing, log off his computer, and start to get his things together.

The end.

i’ll be back when i’m not contagious

If I were to tally up everything I’ve done this week I’m pretty sure I could do it all on one hand. Unless I was counting the hours I’ve spent in bed. Then I’d need to use both my hands and feet and a couple of five fingered volunteers as part of my demonstration.
A good thing about being sick is that pretty friends bring you soup and movies and juice and love. A bad thing is that you suddenly have all this free time but all you want to do is curl up into a ball and wish that the rest of the world would go away.
There are some other bad things too I think.