downside up

It seems Jagermeister is not a balanced breakfast.

So much for that theory.

sharp all over

If you run in obvious circles you look a fool.
If you walk a straight line you usually hit water.
The key to success is to always end up where you started, but to do so in a way that makes people think you’ve ended up somewhere else, or to convince them that trying to figure out you’re a fraud would be too much work.
It starts with figure eights and clover leafs, then loopy spirals and unconnected dots.
Eventually it leads to the self-correcting 180° and suddenly you’re jumping between black and white but everyone thinks that where you are is where you’ve always been.

Success can be overrated when we are the cost.

follow the gas head

The other night was a happy night. Several of the other nights in fact. Odd how there’s often such a delay between the event and the realization of happy in my brain. I think my endorphins are on time delay. Maybe if I moved to BC they’d be more in sync with the rest of the chemicals in my brain.

Of all the happy stories I could tell, I’ve chosen just one for tonight.

There is no serial cat killer in my neighbourhood. There’s been some screeching and meowing and other very frantic cat noises at random intervals late at night.
So yeah, obviously, serial cat killer. It was the only reasonable explanation.
Until a few nights ago.
It’s late at night, I’m pulling into my driveway, listening to some Buck 65, which you should really check out ‘cause it’s like crack for your ears and brain and hands as you close your eyes and tap out the words on the steering wheel… what? Shit. Eyes open dammit! Open and following the beam of my headlights. What did I see?
Cats! Two of them! Fighting! Each other!
So I repeat, there is no serial cat killer in my neighbourhood.
Cats just like to kick the crap out of each other in the middle of the night.

encore times three

Spotlights aren’t like stars. They don’t look down on the same place for very long. One might shine on the same person for more than a decade, but it won’t be shining on the same artist.

Here’s to you Matt Good.






Thanks for all the words.

skyshot

Lying on my back firing words up into the sky with a flash and a bang.
A little bit of me goes with them, and with it, the ability to defy friction, gravity, and seven other laws of physics.

I once thought momentum was my enemy, but that was a long time ago.
I learned that an exercise in futility can sometimes turn out to be anything but.
You should just accept it.

Tomorrow I’ll start waiting; waiting ‘till the day my words come back. It’ll probably take a while, they tell me the universe is a pretty big place. It’s bigger than me, this town, this country. It’s bigger than the lines we’ve drawn in the sand. It’s even bigger the ocean from what I hear. I couldn’t say, I’ve never seen the coast.

It doesn’t matter though, I know they’ll come back around ‘cause everything always does. You should just accept that too.

When the day comes, when they find their way back home, we’ll all know it, and I’ll be waiting.
So if you see me sitting in a lawn chair on top of my roof, drinking beer and talking to nobody in particular, you may want to tell someone that you love them and you’re sorry for all the trouble.
Then you’re gonna want to get closer for a better view, and when you see me reach up and put on some dark tinted shades, you might want to duck and cover.
Personally though, I recommend striking a heroic pose, ‘cause it’s not gonna matter once those flashes and bangs come rushing back home.
Either way it’s gonna be done.

ever

The top ten unexplained mysteries of the aforementioned time period as according to the Discovery Network last night:

-crop circles
-life after death
-alien abduction
-spontaneous human combustion
-something else about aliens
-faith healing
-jesus
-monsters
-ghosts
-me

Yeah, I’m not so great with remembering boring lists, but it was something like that. Maybe they should have put a little more effort into finding more interesting mysteries to not explain at all for an hour. Except for spontaneous human combustion. That shit’s crazy.

You know what would be more interesting? How people dream about other people they’ve never met ‘cause it happens all the time and maybe just maybe those imaginary people aren’t just in your head. The world is a big place. Even more interesting that that would be when people dream specifically about me and I tell them the secrets of life and then they go swimming because even though I don’t like swimming I would love to know what kinds of things I said and if I actually said them or if it was just the random firing off of synapses in a sleeping girl’s brain.

Actually, you know what would be the greatest mystery of them all? Why I never sent out a birthday post to my other sister, you know the official one. The one who’s watched me grow up for two decades. The one I’ve occasionally looked up to when she wasn’t throwing pointy/heavy things at my head. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve played computerized imitations of Risk. Yeah, she’s pretty much the epitome of… something really awesome.

So why? Why didn’t she get a birthday post?

Oh yeah, it’s because she’s told me I have a big nose every single time I’ve seen her since I turned six. That’s why.

colin's day

-woke up
-made pasta.
-ate pasta while watching a movie.
-went for midnight bike ride around suburbia including stop at grocery store for chocolate milk and an apple
-went home
-tied red bandana around forehead and pretended like I could play guitar better than I actually can for an hour
-realized bandana probably belongs to the dog, took it off
-thought about building some shelves, figure I can put it off ‘till tomorrow
-wait, it is tomorrow
-mondays can be great
-except I think I just heard a cat get run over outside

wild turkey in the vodka

I just remembered, I was supposed to post last night.
Why you ask?

This classy girl right here:



It was her birthday and I was excited and was going to draw her a picture but I had no styli. From now on I only draw with styli. Or blood. Or finger-painting.

So here’s to the girl of awesome, with drink up and shades on in the dark, I wish you the world, ‘cause you’re the best little sister any kid could ask for.