colin explains religion

When I die I want something awesome to happen where it turns out this whole thing was all some crazy scientific experiment in the future run by little balls of energy that used to be people like us only I’m one of them and everything I lived was just a dream I created in my little ball of energy mind and all the people and places were just ideas I had like in a video game where at the end the main character wakes up and he’s floating on a wooden board in the middle of the ocean wondering whether he just imagined it all but then a bird flies past overhead and it is whistling some song from the imaginary world and he realizes that it was kind of real even though it wasn’t and that the truth is that all that matters are the memories is his mind.

Failing that I want to be reincarnated as a website.

i'll come around

I'm not always a shut-in.

I have lived, loved, and loved to live and I still do two of them on a regular basis, so don't get the wrong idea about my outlook on life.
In the end it's not about effort. When I'm feeling good, I'm feeling about as good as good can be. I'd probably always be doing great if it wasn't for my greatest enemy, friction, and my usual friend who occasionally stabs me in the back but then eventually makes it up to me later, circumstance.

Today I am circumstance's pawn.


So please forgive the lack of entertainment, and keep on dropping by because otherwise I might be funny again, oh so funny, and you might miss it.

a damn shame

I got out and it was mostly fun and junk and full of ridiculous extravagance and unnecessary everything and will make a good story for some other time.

Some other time.


'Cause today I remembered that life happened.
And now I just want to stay in.

yeah

I need to get out dammit.

Takers?

don't tell anyone

Don’t think, I’ll do it for your.
Don’t hesitate, everything here is for sale.
Never question, don’t you want to fit in?
There, there, comfortable and numb, just like you wanted..

This is what you wanted. This is what you wanted. This is what you wanted.
This is what you wanted. This is what you wanted. This is what you wanted.
This is what you wanted. This is what you wanted. This is what you wanted.

This is what we wanted.





Conditional conditions can never be met
independent of context and linear thought
but armed with a choice that we can’t understand
we'll always assume that what's pretty is right

guide

The day is done, come and gone, and left nothing to fear but the uncertainty of a new morning. The streets are empty, the lights are off, but the stars are out in full. The moon shines down and welcomes us home, for now it has begun. You know who you are, you know it’s our time, for we, we are the dreamers.

realism vs pessimism

Dear Humanity,

Holy shit, I'm sorry.
Better luck next time.

your pal,

colin

Fred Penner will be my spokesman

and that little bird of his too.


I just came up with the best idea in the world.

I call it "sleep”.

It’s something you do at night and then you wake up in the morning feeling all refreshed and junk and then go back to being a productive member of society. Or a semi-productive member of a covert anarchist’s group who’s only real purpose is stick in the gears long enough for people to mock and point at until you bend and break. Your choice.

I’m going to patent it and sell it on late night infomercials to lonely single men with Platinum credit cards but not at the same time as the Magic Bullet because once people realize they can make authentic alfredo sauce in the microwave in just seconds, they’ll be hooked on that Australian guy's accent and miss my low budget/high hilarity half hour of power.

I’ll also sell them “sleep” aid videos and accessories on a sliding scale ranging from the blue-collar favourite, Hammer to the Head, to the luxurious Bikini-Girl Filled Hot Tub and Bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

I won’t be like those other frauds on television who try to sell industrial strength air-beds that convert into couches but then go home at night to sleep in their king sized waterbeds. No sir, I’ll practice what I preach and sleep every night, sometimes even for days at a time, on a big pile of money, occasionally surrounded by pretty girls who are there because they love the real me, not my billions of dollars.


It’s still needs some fine-tuning though, so it won’t be on the market for a while yet. Beta testing begins tomorrow, because right now, I just came up from the kitchen where I made two of the best sandwiches in all of time and I plan to eat them and roll around on the floor in awe of how good they are which could take some time.

s'cuse me sir, can you spare some?

It occurs to me that drunken diatribes are completely overrated. It also occurs to me that “bang” is one of the most impactful words in the English language. Especially when followed by a period. Bang. Done. That’s how it happens, isn’t it? It’s not all thought out, we can’t all be boy scouts. Preparation is a fool’s errand. You can never be prepared. Not for life, not for love, not for everything in between.

All you can do is sit back and ride the wings of the storm.

I can feel it. It's coming on the wind and it's going to blow September to the far side of the moon.

We’ll all be better for it. Everyone can use a little.

now is not one of those times

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that there’s a community of sorts out there. You good folks may be figments of my imagination, or I may just be a dream of yours, but that is no excuse to ignore proper etiquette. In that spirit, I’d like to apologize for neglecting to reply to the witty comments and the too kind praise on my few recent entries. I’d also like to apologize for not leaving as many such words on your scans de halo. I still read up on your daily adventures, and sometimes I laugh. Oh how I laugh, like laughter is a gigantic beast shaking me. And it shakes me so hard that I can’t leave comments without shaking my keyboard on to the floor. And sometimes I cry, but mostly I nod. I nod solemnly, and with fervour, as if to say “Yes, I agree. Yes. Yes!!”.
But when I’m not nodding, I’m shaking my head, and I’m saying “For shame, for shame.” But never towards you, no never, for I cherish the time we spend together, like I would cherish so many ripe blueberries, fresh from the bush, and sometimes, sometimes I make sense, but you still read this through, right to the end.