insanity

It’s a bloody tricky word. Honestly, picture it in your head, and what comes to mind? For me it’s a shape; a square of sanity, a box of normal, it’s a glass half full of the majority. The “in” part is self-explanatory. To be insane, is to be in the norm.
The part that gets complicated, the part they don’t tell you about, is that be immersed in sanity, doesn’t make you sane. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. In order to recognize that you are constantly surrounded by normalness, you have to be different. You have to accept that an alternative exists, and once you acknowledge that, you’re going to be torn forever, because you’re still going to be forced to live most of your life inside your box. You don’t have much of a choice. It’s in this box that you go to work, buy groceries, and go to family reunions. It’s been a big part of your life up until this point, and it’s going to be tough to throw it away, so you’ll try to hang on. Unfortunately, by realizing there are other options, you suddenly won’t belong in this tidy little world anymore. Not like they all seem to. You’ll pretend of course. We know you’re good at pretending. That’s how you got this far.

So that’s it for now, keep it up.

microphonics

I’m standing on the edge. It’s no mountain, but I’m high enough to see all the dreams you ever dreamt laid out below me. A few of them swirl golden with their own light. The rest are red and orange and glowing with the reflected glory of the burning sky. Gold is the colour you chose for your dreams. The rest were someone else’s.
The last time I saw you, your eyes were still just amber and not as bright as mine. If only I could have seen them when it happened, at the first new dawn, when you finally managed to remember the words. I was always sharper at night though. The moon and the stars did it for me. I’d always known the music was there, through them, even if I couldn’t hear it yet myself. I believed because I knew. You did too, though you refused to admit it then. The world looks a lot different when fear doesn’t matter anymore.
That’s why I’m standing on the edge. It’s no Eden, but I’m high enough to see that this is what I wanted.

i like stars

My gift to you, will be a world.
Free of the cities. Yes.
Free of the city's eyes.

anywhere but here

It seems to me that if one were to wish to make a spontaneous trip to an unknown destination, there would be a number of things one would be wise to do before hopping in the car. One of these would be to bend the rules a bit on the whole spontaneity factor. It’s hard to do something spur of the moment when you’ve already planned it to death months in advance, but the key is to pre-emptively arrange things so as to make it so when you do disappear for a few months, you piss off the minimum number of people you care about, and if at all possible, the maximum number of people you don’t. This ongoing effort of being in a constant state of readiness seems like a lot of work, but really, the trick is that it will make the rest of your life far simpler when accomplished.

First off, clean the place where you live. Second, keep it clean. Honestly, it’s not that hard, and it’s always nice to come home to a nice clean house/apartment/room/box. That is, assuming no one has gone and changed the locks on you while you’re gone. If that’s the case, you can at least take solace in the fact that the new occupants have a nice tidy place to live.

Secondly, because let’s face it, cleaning and maintaining cleanliness are more or less just one step, you should quit you job. Jobs are stressful and they take up a lot of your time. Also, employers tend to be unhappy with employees who stop showing up for work for weeks at a time, so it’s wise to let them know you’ll not be coming in any more. Unless you don’t like them. Oh, you should also cancel and plans to go to school, be it college, university, or the at home mail order CD variety. School costs money, and you’re going to need that money for gas.

Thirdly, you should keep an ample supply of things to eat and drink in your car at all times. I recommend caffeine drinks and beef jerky, the caffeine for rather obvious reasons, and the beef jerky because not only will it last for a long time, it also constitutes an entire activity in itself to eat.

Fourthly, you should keep large wads of cash on hand in case of emergencies. Emergencies being any situation in which you think, “Well now, this would have been a good time to have a large wad of money on hand.”

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go work out a few bugs with that last part.

five minute atrophy setting

Thirty-six hours, only ten more to go. Back to work on a Sunday, the day of holy rest and satanic pilferage. Jesus was a pacifier, but I’ll get to that later, for now, I want to talk about us.
Yes, that’s right. It’s about our relationship. It seems we only ever have fun anymore when I’m either up on caffeine, fuelled by alcohol, or driven into the ground by the grand drug known as life. What happened to the old us? You know, the times we used to have, the laughs we shared. Chemical enhancements weren’t a prerequisite to our happiness when this started. We had something, something big, round and shiny. And it glowed in the dark. Now where are we? No more black velvet, no more diamonds in the sky. The vermillion sunset has come and gone and gone and gone. Maybe it’s time to sit down and have a real heart to heart. I hear you lack direction, drive, and focus. What a coincidence, so do I.


You can’t fire me, I quit.


No obligatory anything, no guilt, no circles. I’m running with the wind and you’ll never catch me I’m done.

suddenly I feel a strange craving for tea

I'm thinking Thursday, as yesterday was Wednesday and yesterday is gone.

Wait, this was supposed to be an e-mail.

Screw it.



Obligatory Cottage Picture Number Four...



Heart. Call me.