Tuesday, February 01, 2005

How can you rate the success of something born of a failure?

Are you dismayed with the current state of the world? Does television make you sick? Have you seen so many unnecessary, sensationalistic stories, accented by presidential sound-bytes that you pretty much want to kill yourself?
Well hold on just a second! Put down that noose, throw away those razorblades, and come on over!
Allow me to introduce you to the wonders of alcohol; the politically inspired way!
First off, here's what you need:

-a group of friends who don't mind getting soused on short notice in the middle of the week
-a television set
-a couch ('cause you don't want to sit on the floor dumbass)
-lots of hard alcohol (vodka works well)
-I don't think you understand quite how much alcohol you need... we're talking at least a liter and a half per person here
-these last two didn't really count
-a number of shot glasses (three per person is best, in case a succession of rapid fire shots is necessary)
-a good stomach, and a strong sense of denial

Here's the drill... turn on the TV around six-ish. Flip to any major television network*, and get ready to play. If the network shows a clip related to "terrorist activities", you must take a shot. Any time you see President Bush, and he mentions "the war on terror", or uses the words "freedom" and "democracy" to justify atrocities around the globe, you must take a shot. If you see anyone at all mention how great it is that the U.S. is "spreading democracy to less fortunate countries in need", you must take two shots. This includes random interviews of people on the street. Even in Texas. Basically, whenever the stations try to put a positive spin on the US's interfering, corporate agenda, you have to drink. The game will end either when you pass out, or you see a segment questioning the United States' Government's untruthful nature, and dangerous, self-evident trust in the ignorance of the people. Oh, I almost forgot, if you are the last person to shudder in disgust when you hear Mr. Bush refer to the Iraqi election as a "resounding success", you must take a whole mickey unto thyself. I recommend keeping a number of buckets or plastic bags on hand to save time on clean up later.

*Note: Fox network not recommended for beginners