Friday, February 04, 2005

a Colin before time...




Part one:

In a time before time, when the big bang was a few years away, and existence was still busy in the stages of planning out the next billion years, there existed a consciousness named Colin.
Colin was a very high-spirited little ball of light, he liked to laugh and sing, and have a good time scooting around through the void-that-would-be-the-universe, with his other little ball of lights friends. He liked it so much, that partying, chillin', and making other people happy, was all he ever really did. Consequently, he was rather far behind in his duties as a would-be person. So one day, after a late night of drunken energy-being revelry, Colin decided he needed to get his act together. He'd been thinking about it, and with only a few years to go before creation took form, he had a whole lot to do. First off, he figured, he'd need a body, So he grabbed his wallet and floated on down to the Body Shop; the real one, not the standing example of false advertising of today. Seeing as how it had been open for all of eternity, there was never a line, so he walked right up to the cashier, and smiling coyly 'cause she was pretty, he said "I'll take the buff rock-star body please, with extra talent on the side."
Smiling back, she said, "I'm sorry, we're all out of that model. We've got one puma left though. How about a puma? Wouldn't you like to be a puma?
He thought about this, but didn't much like the idea of potential itching 'cause of fleas, so he shook his head and said "Nah. How about the calendar quality firefighter set up?"
"Oooh... that's a good one." she said as she swiped his debit card.
"Beep! Insufficient funds!" flashed the machine.
"Oh... I guess I'll take the skinny white boy look instead." he said.
With his future body planned out, Colin decided that he'd accomplished enough for today. He felt quite satisfied with himself, and went home to have a big bowl of honey-nut Cheerios. Later he went and picked up the cutie from the store and took her out with some friends to the coolest bar in the non-universe, and totally swept he off her metaphorical feet with his charming personality. Then he said he'd call her but then he didn't. Not because he's a jerk, he just didn't want to spoil the memory of a perfect night with the mediocrity of a telephone call. Instead he sent her a shining ball of light sunflower and a poem he wrote about how awesome she was. You see, Colin was just that smooth.

The end?