Monday, December 06, 2004

but I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

It was cold and the wind was icy, verging on a potential snowstorm. He awoke at dawn. Actually, dawn was still more than an hour away, he just liked to call it dawn so that he could justify waking up at such an ungodly hour. The weekend was past, and like the Mondays before it, this was going to be a long day.
He stepped out the door and began his journey. He didn't know where he was going, and that uncertainty made the cold all the more oppressive. He knew where he was headed of course, to walk outside in this weather with no idea of where he would end up in a few hours would have been reckless, and he was far from reckless. Thoughtfulness and cunning were some of his most valued qualities. No, he knew where he was headed for now, he just didn't know where it would eventually lead him in the end.
Thoughts of the end were reserved for another time however. In his dreams he walked those paths. He followed them meticulously with a patience only to be found in the unconscious mind. He walked a new one each night, painfully observing everything he could see and feel and touch. He followed each path all the way to it's end. The funny thing was, the end was always the same. Somehow, despite the impossible twists and turns unique to each separate road, he always arrived at the same place in the end. Every night, he would enter the realm where dreams reside, and every night he would leave feeling the same. In the darkness, in the shadows that separate our existence and oblivion, he would walk alone. Living countless eternities with every second that the clock on the wall ticked away. One day, perhaps he would find what he was looking for; a way out, a loophole in the continuity of space and the perception of time. He marched forward relentlessly, feeding on his need for something else, something different. But always, he would find himself at the same ending, and always, he would refuse to accept that there was only one way for it to go...