Wednesday, January 10, 2007

if you look

Of course I'm still here.
I've just been keeping quiet on this front is all.
I've been spending some time learning.
People, places, things... a little bit of everything.
Not in any formal institution mind you. They won't have me. Yet.
But that's another story.
For another place.
And maybe another time.
Because like I said, I'm still here.
But I'm everywhere else too.

You'll see what I mean.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

an update

Sorry guys, I had to disappear for a little while.
I'm not actually back yet either.
Consider this a recording.

"The party you are trying to reach has vanished off the face of the earth, please feel free to e-mail him a message at the beep, or keep on watching for his digitized footsteps, as they are bound to pop up sooner or later."


love Colin

Monday, July 24, 2006

july is almost over

I finally decide to get back into this again and my network goes all crazy-like and won't allow me internet access until this second. Fortunately, I'm one of those optimist type folk, and am pretty much just glad that it's finally working.


Okay so that above text was written several hours ago before a friend of mine came over and started throwing shit at my window 'cause I wouldn't answer my cellphone. We're talking rocks at the windowpane, whisper-shouting my name, flashing the headlights stuff, like the kind of things I used to do for my old girlfriend.

Let me tell you, this guy is the shit.

So he comes by and tells me to come outside for a second. Based on past experience, I ask if I'll need shoes and he says yes and five minutes later we're at the bar and he's saying "Oh! I forgot you had to work in the morning."

Again, this guy is my hero.

So basically I'm just finishing this up. I hate to leave something half-done, and I've missed the internet these past few weeks, and mostly just wanted to say that I'm glad to have you all back. I'll talk to you all soon.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

twoonie tuesday

I just opened a sleeve of soda crackers and they exploded everywhere. The entire surface of this room is now covered with salted tops.

A whole bunch of ultra-cool people dropped by tonight and we drank some drink and talked some talk, and earlier one of the aforementioned people and I were at Queen and Spadina and hot dogs were a dollar and I was blown away and now I want to sew my own sweaters out of vintage clothes and leprechaun powder.

Monday, July 10, 2006

time is just numbers

I just walked up the stairs carrying a beer in one hand and a burning hot casserole dish of nachos in the other and I didn’t spill. Not a thing.

The house is going to be mostly empty of people other than myself this week and being alone I’ve decided, is pretty much the most relaxing thing in the world. Occasionally the most bored-making thing too, but right now I’m just basking in the sweet sweet solitude.

This morning I lost the ability to tell time and woke up after an hour’s worth of sleep thinking I was late for work and jumped out of bed and freaked out for like ten minutes while staring at the clock and trying to figure out what it said and how I’d slept through my alarm. Plus I couldn’t remember what time it was that I usually get up for work or how to check or set my alarm clock.

So I woke up every half hour until my alarm (already set the night before) went off at six and then I went back to my normal routine of hitting the snooze button until it was almost seven and I no longer had time to shower before work.

Being unemployed had its perks.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

one brilliant paperclip

Today I asked a pirate if all of this was just a game.
He said “The seas look rough.”
I asked him what he meant by that and he answered “Nay scallywag.”
Fucking pirates.
I was also given a pet dinosaur and he is tiny right now but I put him underwater and now he is going to grow bigger and bigger over the next forty-eight hours until he could eat you.

All in all it’s been a pretty good weekend, though I spent far less time out of bed and in the sun than I’d planned. I have an untouched two-four keeping itself cold in the fridge, but I’ll make friends with it later because right now the crazy orange moon in the sky is telling me to go to bed.

Oh, but first I’d like to mention how awesome it is that Kyle MacDonald managed to convince a whole town to welcome him home, build him a monument, and give him a key to their city.
I think it’s neat.

Monday, July 03, 2006


Antisocial as fuck lately.

Friday, June 16, 2006

arrested for being awesome

Here’s the deal for today.
I have a lot of energy that would be put to better use if I was sober, but that's not really an option.
I figure I should take care of some stuff I’ve been meaning to put out there for a while.
Take my “cool shit in the mail club” for example. It’s pretty much the coolest club in town and it costs $0.00 to join. Basically, you just e-mail me your mailing address and then I send you cool shit whenever I get around to it. Keep in mind, that I said E-MAIL as opposed to LEAVE IN COMMENTS because realistically there are freaky people out there and you don’t want them knowing where you live.

Here are the perks of joining my club:

1. I am not crazy and will not stalk you.
2. You get cool shit in the mail for nothing.
3. You get to tell people you belong to a club.

As an added incentive, I should mention that I run a button making company and you therefore you cannot lose out on this deal. In fact, you should be paying me to be a part of my club. Would you like to pay me? I accept cash and all major credit cards. Feel free to do your part to keep this thing going.

Don’t take my word for it though. Check out the following testimonials from these satisfied members…

Smelly D

Colin Pearson


Oh, I also took the time to take over Mike's Myspace comments, so feel free to check that out as well.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

way to go dude

Alright so here’s my take on ideas and planning and pretty much knowledge in general.
Mostly it’s pretty cool.
Seriously, knowing how things work and being able to use that to your advantage is, well, advantageous.
But there are a lot of people out there who think they know things, and a lot of those things are fairly contradictory. These people are great for sociological studies and applications and it’s neat how they can play out on a broader scale what happens in most of our heads on a day to day basis, but in the end they tend to be the cause of most of humanity’s problems. The solution to some, sure, but the cause to a lot more.
I think I originally had a point to make here, but the Super Mario music in the background made me lose my train of thought.
I think I was trying to say that when it comes down to it, you’ll probably be just as well off taking everything pretty easy. You know, just toss your hat into the ring and see what happens when it falls. Randomness can lead to some shitty outcomes on occasion, but on the whole you’ll be better off than if you try to control everything and fail miserably because all those things you thought you knew were just made up by a bunch of liars to make themselves look better.

Also, I just found out today that Colin Pearson is going to be opening for Matt Good at the Prince George Folkfest this year in Prince George BC. This is pretty much awesome news. It would be even better if I didn’t live way over here in Ontario, and you know, could actually go, but still, good news is good news and I won’t ruin it with my own selfish wants.

Monday, June 12, 2006

hey there internet! how’s it been?

Catch up time:

1. Everything is awesome. Well, with the exception of Waterloo University, ‘cause they don’t want me either. Everything else though? Shiny.

2. For example, right now I am eating barbecued sausages, garlic mushrooms, and roasted red peppers and I couldn’t be happier because it’s all unbelievably good.

3. That last one didn’t need to be numbered but this one does.

4.Vacation time is over, but that’s probably for the better because this new job I’m going to be starting on Monday should be a nice change, and the timing happened to coincide almost perfectly with me running out of money.

5. The other weekend we sang happy birthday to my friend Katherine karaoke style and this stuffed penguin toy jumped off the karaoke lady’s table and into my pocket and I didn’t notice until I went to the bathroom and then I was like “No! You belong on the table until they do another raffle and somebody wins you.” But then he followed me out of the bathroom to the patio and wouldn’t leave me alone until I got mad and threw him into the bushes and rid myself of him, or so I thought, because as our cab was leaving to go back to the house he came running out and dove through the half open window and into my lap. So I gave him to Katherine for her birthday because who wouldn’t want a lonely cursed penguin with a heart of gold? I think she liked him.

6. My computer is mostly broken and turns itself off if I so much as shift my position to reach for my drink whilst it is in my lap which makes doing pretty much anything into an angry-making ordeal.

7. In fact, I’m going to go ahead and call this done because I’m pretty thirsty. Seven is always hyped up as being a lucky number. I like three.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

minus fifty points

Alright, so I know this guy named Flu.

He let us stay at his house for Warped Tour.
He invited me out for good music and two dollar beers for his birthday.
He came to town to fly kites for mine.

I got an e-mail from him over the May 24th weekend asking someone to come out and take him away somewhere else, anywhere else in fact.

So what do I do?
I put it off for a day.
Then another day.
Then I decide to drive down to Niagara Falls to be a good friend to someone else.
Then when I get back in town and am supposed to be getting the car ready to drive up to Barrie with beer and movies and people, I get distracted by another friend who happens to be a girl who I happen to be quite fond of and bail on the whole plan and have only myself to blame.

Now on the one hand, nobody other than myself knew about the drive to Barrie/surprise Flu plan, and I could fully pretend like it never existed and thus not look like a long-weekend asshole, but I can’t play the game like that, so this was my confession.

In my head, everything I think of doing counts whether I actually do it or not.
It’s a tricky way of keeping score because it’s all full of double negatives and imaginary numbers and if I could ever figure out a way to put it on a coloured graph I would be my own hero and probably yours too, and I could start up a whole relationship-quotient graphing company and get paid to help everyone keep track of their interaction levels with the world on a plus/minus scale.

I’d probably make more money with that that I ever could with buttons.
But then, making buttons isn’t about making money.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

liquid proportions

Still haven’t heard back from the other schools yet.
Not really sure what to think about that.
York was my fallback choice and they wouldn’t let me in which has got me wondering what I’ll spend the year doing if I don’t get accepted anywhere.

Let’s change topics.

I made up some drinks for a roadtrip to Kingston tonight.
Gatorade el Diablo.

It’s a third of a bottle of Gatorade with three shots of tequila topped off with half a Monster energy drink.

All of the drinks I make are essentially the same thing only with different types of alcohol.
My favourite is the Jagermonster but I just wasn’t feeling the Jager tonight.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Application Status

Faculty Of Arts, B.A., Hons. English


Fall/Winter 2006

Reviewed - unsuccessful - Insufficient Academic Preparation

Next Steps

Go somewhere else, probably somewhere better, get fancy piece of paper complete with my name/official stamp of the better school, use paper to land less crappy job for a while, publish book written while attending said better school, influence young minds, get invited to come to York as a guest speaker at some fancy shindig, flip them off, laugh for a while whilst sipping brandy in my tree fort in the woods.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

will work for money

Person: “Oh, you’re unemployed?”

Me: “Yeah, only for a few weeks now though.”

Person: (in their head) “Wow, I’m better than you. Yessss.”

Me: “Fuck right off, I’m on vacation.”
And then “I should probably get a new job.”
Followed by “You can still fuck off though.”

That was also all said in my head.

What’s with our need to define ourselves through such unrepresentative means?

I don’t really like to talk about myself.
I don’t really like to sell myself.
I like to come into the conversation at the halfway point, where everybody else already knows who I am and I never have to impress anyone or let them down and they just accept me as is and then we move on and discuss cool ideas and write stories together.

Yeah, universal acceptance and appreciation would be sweet.
A little awe would be nice too, but only sometimes.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

what's a job?

This seems like as good a time as any to let out a little secret I’ve been keeping from the world.

I’m pretty much a nerd.

Not in the awesome “can code php and html and java and c++++++++ in the blink of an eye to create mind-bending websites” way though.
I’m learning slightly, but obviously not fast enough or else working on my corporate website wouldn’t be taking so long and I’d be spending more time here.

Nope, I’m more of a video game playing, book reading nerd who enjoys things that are clever or ironic.
I like to fly kites and ride bikes and lie down in the middles of fields to look at the stars.
I prefer sitting to standing, especially if it’s cross-legged in the middle of the sidewalk/hallway/doorway.

Apparently I’ve been looking forward to the release of Final Fantasy Advent Children in North America for more than a year now and I’ve been to the video store three times since Friday hoping they’d have a copy in and today they did and I watched it and was happy.

I don’t even know if it was really any good, but it brought back memories and that’s always a good time.
I’m already enjoy nostalgia at twenty-one.
I’m not sure that’s a good sign.

Monday, May 01, 2006

a second unveiling

So I’ve really been pushing this upcoming announcement recently.
It’s been a bit of a laugh. I’ve had a good time building up hopes and dreams and doing my best to pique your curiosity.

But I guess I knew it couldn’t last forever.
Eventually I’d have to pull through with some big news or else some feelings would get hurt. So the suspense is going to come to an end. Right now…

…as I introduce you to my shiny new company and then set it free into the jungle of commerce and information that is the Internet.

We’re called Pinned.
We make buttons.
We sometimes talk in the third person for legal reasons.

Come check us out at and help us fulfill our goal of hegemonic world domination. Through buttons.

behind the scenes

A funny thing about suspense:
It’s all about expectation.

A funny thing about accomplishment:
It’s a very subjective feeling.

A funny thing about subjectivity:
It’s everywhere.

Are you ready?

Saturday, April 29, 2006

i hope it is windy

If I had an enemy, I might make it tequila.
But the feud between us wouldn’t last because we’d just have a good chat, and share a couple of orange slices and become best friends. Then we’d fall in love as tends to happen with best friends of a compatible nature and everything would just fall into place from then on out.
I never seem to be able to maintain proper enemy relationships.
Except for with gravity.
And friction.
And a few other laws of physics.
Oh, and vodka.

But yeah, thanks again all, for the birthday wishes and such.
Tomorrow should be a good celebratory time, so if I haven’t sent you a personal invitation and you think I should have, give me a shout and I’ll fix that.

In the meantime, here is the map I drew for the event…

Also, I’m keeping the suspense going.
Sorry, Spo, not spilling it yet.
I will give everybody a hint though:
I’m not pregnant.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

thank you everyone

That’s right.
Yesterday was my birthday and I had a good day.
The lady at the grocery store told me I looked happy and that I was going to infect them all so I smiled some more and paid with debit because I don’t own much in the way of tangible currency. A long time ago it was brought to my attention that money doesn’t actually exist, and that meant that even if my wallet was full, it was still pretty much empty and so eventually I gave up on carrying the wallet around too.

Also, there will be celebratory festivities this weekend, so if you live in Ontario, and you’re going to be anywhere near the town of Brampton on Saturday evening, give me a shout and I’ll send you some details.

Oh, the big announcement?
That wasn’t it.
That will happen before the weekend is out.

Monday, April 24, 2006

still too early


Not tonight.
Come on, nobody goes on the internet at three in the morning on a Monday.
That's pretty lame.

(awkward silence)

Oh right.

Feel free to come pick me up and take me somewhere fun.
Or just come back later for the announcement.
Did I mention it's big?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

it's too early

You may have heard some rumours and some of them are true.

The one that said I had a big announcement to make tonight was not.
I'm sorry if you're disappointed.
Rumours have a way of letting people down like that sometimes.

To cheer you up, I'm going to let you in on a secret.
I really do have a big announcement to make.
Just not tonight.

It's good though.
Probably even worth waiting for.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

happy today today

I was going to write something but it seemed like it might be long and take way too much effort and you'd probably have gotten bored by the end of it anyway.
So I pre-emptively shortened it.
Mostly for you.
And a bit for me.
Because tonight is all about appreciating the little things.
Like teamwork perhaps.

I also drew this picture of a clown, but it's scary so you should only look if you like evil looking clowns and are not terrified of them.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

to the sky

Here’s what I have…

No job
No money
No cigarettes
Nowhere to go

I should have made that a list of what I don’t have.
I am however, all dressed up and more than slightly intoxicated.
It’s three-seventeen in the morning.
I called Pretty Girl A and she is sleeping so I guess my only real options are a walk or a bike ride. Again, I have no cigarettes or cigars or anything of the sort, but fuck it. Let’s go look at the stars.

Friday, April 14, 2006

just to clarify

I feel like I have to apologize to you.
At the end of my last post I may have led you to believe that I held the key to building a time machine and that’s just not true.
Yes, I do have a lot of time on my hands all of a sudden, but physics still apply and I’m no Superman.
When I asked if you wished you could see the show yourself and then said I’d see what I could do, I was alluding to the fact that a friend of mine happened to own an mp3 player which may or may not have been used to bootleg the majority of the show.
Now hypothetically, if we did record the show, and if it did turn out to be half decent in quality, then in theory I could rip it to my computer and make a few cds for a few special people who e-mail me their addresses.
So we’ll see what happens when my friend, let’s call her Pretty Girl A, plugs her player into her computer. I’ll let you know if she finds anything on there and if it’s worth listening to.

Tonight As I Lay Dying put on a solid performance but I think Thrice may have stolen the show away from them. Maybe.

I bought Owen Pallet’s “Has a Good Home” last night and it was scratched and two of the songs won’t play but I don’t want to go back to the store so if anyone else out there has the album and would like to e-mail them to me then I would like to be your friend and I will hang out with you and probably give you a button to say thanks.

Finally, I’ve developed a set of rules for meeting fellow bloggers in real life, because after having met some for the first time yesterday, it occurred to me that some guidelines might have been helpful.

a) Talk. No really, say something. Don’t just say “Hi! I’m (insert name here).” and then give them stuff and then run away.

b) Actually, that’s pretty much it.

My apologies Raymi and Fil, I should have thought of that sooner.
Apparently I’m not so good at the whole human interaction thing anymore.
I blame the fact that I’ve worked a night shift for the past couple of years and never really bother to talk to anyone I don’t know,
Or maybe it was because Raymi was all in the corner smoking with a don’t fuck with me stare and Fil is like seven feet tall.
Either way, it was nice meeting the two of you and if I run into you again I’ll make up for it with a drink and a proper conversation. Or more buttons.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

and one happy thing

It is about Matthew Good, the lovable musician who lives in Vancouver and has been producing incredible music for the last decade or so. He is alive. Very much so.
I know this because I just saw him put on the best show I’ve ever seen him play, and I’ve seen him play more than a few times in more than a few places.
I may be a little biased though, because

a) I’m a sucker for the acoustic
b) he played Symbolistic White Walls
c) he played Symbolistic White Walls

Anyway, I forget why I was basing the format of this post on the last one so I’ll stop that now.
Instead I’m going to show you a picture.

Wasn’t that awesome?
Didn’t he look stylish in his pin-striped suit?
Don’t you wish you could somehow go back in time and see the show yourself?

Don’t worry, I’ll see what I can do about that.
No seriously.
But for now I’ve already said too much.

i have one sad thing to mention

It is about Zed, the lovable chameleon who has lived in my bedroom for the past several years. He is dead. It happened sometime between Tuesday April eleventh and Wednesday April twelfth, and it is believed his death was caused by

a) a strange lump that developed on his snout about a year ago
b) the fact that he started refusing to eat some time ago
c) a combination of a and b

Anyway, it’s a sad situation and I’d prefer not to talk about it.

Monday, April 10, 2006

the day that colin got fired

It was in the second week of April that it happened, on the same day in fact, that Colin painted the stairwell of his parent’s house. Some people saw this as a strange and wonderful coincidence, but not Colin. He’d just gotten fired, what else was he supposed to do with his time?
It all started with an innocent day at work. It was more of an evening actually. Colin worked from four-thirty to midnight every Monday to Friday at a big building a few blocks away from his house, where he spent his time typing numbers into a computer and trying to avoid having to talk to anyone. Colin was just getting over some kind of crazy throat/lung infection that had been bothering him for the past week, but he was happy and optimistic about the future. This week was going to be a short week because not only was it the Easter long weekend, but he also had two vacation days coming up, and two concert tickets that were going to make a five day weekend of musical awesomeness. Yes, everything on the near horizon was looking quite peachy.
Peachy, until he was filling up the photocopier and said hello to one of his bosses as they walked past.

“Your hat. Take off your hat.” Said his boss.

“Oh, fuck right off.” Thought Colin.

Colin finished with the photocopier and went back to his desk to work whilst wearing his hat and ignoring his boss’ pointless request. This went well for about half an hour, until Colin’s work took him into his boss’ field of vision. Again she told his to remove his hat.

“How about you pretend I’m not wearing a hat, and I pretend it doesn’t bother you.” Suggested Colin with a smile before going back to work.

Some more time passed, and one of Colin’s coworkers went to Tim Horton’s to pick up some coffees. It got a little bit busier, but Colin didn’t mind, because he was very efficient at his job, having worked there for more than two and a half years. Colin was just about to file some folders away when his boss walked up again.

“I told you to take off your hat.” She said.

Colin sighed.

“I’ve told you three times.” She continued.

Colin looked up.

“Alright, listen, I know you’re always telling me to take off my hat. The thing is, I was always kind of taken aback and never got to ask you a really important question. Why?” Asked Colin.

“We’ve already discussed this, we’re in an office and that’s not appropriate attire.” She said.

“Yeah, but why? Why does it matter? We work an evening shift, it's not like we have customers coming in. The only other people here are you guys over there, the guys on the dock wearing jeans and bandanas, and a bunch of truck drivers who are probably not interested in whether or not I'm wearing a hat. It just doesn't make any sense. It’s not about style, it’s about functionality. It keeps my hair out of my eyes and away from my face.”

Colin was getting a little frustrated.

“I’m done talking about this and I’m not going to keep telling you. Take it off.” She threatened.

“Look, what’s going to happen if I say no, and keep wearing it?” He asked.

“I could send you home for the night and you could not come back tomorrow.” She answered.

Now at this point it should be mentioned that Colin doesn’t appreciated being threatened. He views office politics as a waste of time and prefers to just come to work and do his job, and do it well because anything else is pretty much a waste of time. He mostly ignores it when other people say stupid things.

So it should come as no surprise that he replied, “Fair enough.” and proceeded to finish up what he was doing, log off his computer, and start to get his things together.

The end.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

i’ll be back when i’m not contagious

If I were to tally up everything I’ve done this week I’m pretty sure I could do it all on one hand. Unless I was counting the hours I’ve spent in bed. Then I’d need to use both my hands and feet and a couple of five fingered volunteers as part of my demonstration.
A good thing about being sick is that pretty friends bring you soup and movies and juice and love. A bad thing is that you suddenly have all this free time but all you want to do is curl up into a ball and wish that the rest of the world would go away.
There are some other bad things too I think.

Friday, March 31, 2006

i am colin's long weekend

"We used to clone famous people with bodies, but they kept on trying to escape, so now we mostly just clones heads and sometimes asses."

That is my quote from some guy in the future who may or may not run the best damn cloning shop in town. No one will know his real name but they’ll all call him Dr. Fantastic because he creates such fantastic celebrity asses for ass-grafting and also his famous people heads make great conversation pieces.

He’ll run a commercial during the superbowl featuring a self-composed rap about cloning, and it’ll go something like this,

i’m Doctor Fantastic
i’ll make you go spastic
‘cause my asses ain’t plastic
bounce back like elastic

yo yo yo
be just like Jlo
that booty be shakin’
no one knows you be fakin’


I’m done for now.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

just to be clear

Dear Pretty Girls,

You’re pretty and that’s awesome.
I like you, keep it up.

love Colin

PS I drew you this bee for you.

Oh, also,

Dear Psycho Girls,

Please refrain from being crazy around me.
It confuses me and I don’t like it.
Don’t make me feel uncomfortable.

I appreciate your compliance,


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

drunk without drinking

It’s the way your brain goes on and off whenever it feels like it.
Click, beep, flashing light, switch.
It’s some kind of self-defence mechanism that kicks in because when your mind is running and doing what you’d think it’s supposed to do, it does it at a rate that’s a hundred times faster than is healthy. There’s all these thoughts just flying through your head all at the same time like your mind is a corridor that leads from the beginning to the end and you’re standing in an open doorway somewhere in the middle watching them go. There’s too many to really figure out what each of them means, but every once in a while one catches your attention because it’s moving faster or slower or sparkles just right in the fluorescent lit hallway. Of course, this is all happening within a split second of rational thought so it makes you look twitchy. When the thoughts really start moving, they trip all over each other and turn really red and then start riots and that’s when everything shuts down and door clicks shut. So you’re back to normal. You call it normal because it’s during this time that you’re thinking, “What the fuck was that?” That makes it your base state. You spend your normal time being confused because life is confusing when you aren’t thinking about anything other than how messed up it us. Then the beeping starts up. It’s not even really a beep, more like a klaxon sounding some kind of alert, an all hands on deck kind of thing. Then the light above the door flashes. Red, yellow, green, and it swings open again and everything is colourful and interesting and pretty much all-consuming for a while.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

i spell it with an e

I wore a green suit jacket to work today.
I was going to wear it out to the bar afterwards to meet some friends but it was already twelve-thirty when I got home and one girl was already sick and had gone off to bed, causing the other girl to come pick me up to get dinner instead of drinking. She told me the jacket made me look like a leprechaun and I shouted that was the point and then I felt bad and took it off.
Then she ruined my life by putting sugar or sweetener in my drink so I chewed up a bunch of french toast and bacon and opened my mouth to show it to her.
I told her to buy me a shot of whiskey and she said okay so then I said buy me five and she said no.